Little Red Riding should…
Being a wolf is hard enough without someone sticking “Big Bad” in front of it. I usually like to hang out with the pack but, hey that lone wolf thing sort of suits my groove, so sue me (actually no don’t do that I’m in enough trouble as it is). I was cruising round the forest not looking for any trouble having a nice scratch. It was getting on for lunchtime and was eyeing up a few rabbits when all of a sudden, the most delicious smell starts to penetrate my olfaction organ (nice smell up me nose to you, I didn’t spend 3 years and Lupine University studying Forestry for nothing you know). Straight away I spotted who it was. Skipping up the forest path, singing as loud as possible was Little Red Riding Hood. She was, conveniently, carrying a basket of baked “goodies” for her Granny. Well I must admit I started to salivate a bit. All reason went out the window. Looking back on it, why would she be singing so loud if not to draw attention to herself. Most people keep a low profile in these woods so as not to make themselves a target but this one is wearing red. Not exactly camouflage is it? Maybe in autumn but not this time of year. Sticks out like a sore thumb.
First off let me tell you it wasn’t my fault. The Granny slipped and fell into that cupboard. I had nothing to do with it. I only put on her nightclothes to spare the child’s feelings. That Red Riding Hood framed me. It’s not like I wanted to move in with Granny or something. Although I do know some great Bristol Removal Companies who could help me get out of my city flat. These are the guys http://www.imoveremovals.co.uk/
Being a good-natured Gentleman, I come out from the tree I’m hiding behind (so as not to scare her) and say;
“Greetings Red Riding Hood. Wherefore art though is you going with that rather wonderfully pungent basket this fine day?”, which sounds perfectly polite and reasonable right? She replies,
“ARRRGH! What the hell do you think your doing sneaking out like that. And more to the point why are you wearing smoking jacket and trousers? Why are speaking like that?”
Clearly the girl had lost her mind. That combination is a winner for us wolves anytime of the year. I ploughed on;
“That basket looks heavy” shall I help ye carry it?”, “No”, says she “Ye may not. Thou will turn on thy tail and depart forthwith!” I’m paraphrasing there, she really said two words which were impolite.
I scampered off. Now I only went to her Grannies to see if she got there ok, It’s a dangerous place the woods. I pop in on Granny who immediately attack me with a mop. She slips up on the water on the floor and I opened the cupboard otherwise she would have banged her head. The door jammed, and I can’t get her out. Red comes up the path and I panicked and put on Grannies night shirt and hid in the bed. Her line of question, big ears, big teeth etc threw me a bit but all I did was talk up my good points. You’ve got to believe me Officer Woodcutter, my that axe does look sharp. Can I go now?
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